Jokes Jokes Jokes

        JOKES                               JOKES                                   JOKES

Teacher-Student Jokes (Collected)

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. 

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: "what's the further away, America or the Moon?"
Student: "America!"
Teacher: "America? Whatever gave you that idea?"
Student: "Simple, We can always see the moon from the india, but not america!"

Son: "Daddy, why did you put your thumb impression on my progress report instead of your signature?"
Father: "I don't want your teacher to think that anyone with your marks could possibly have a father who can read or write."

TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

 

TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

 

TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !

TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Child: "Why do you send me to school for."
Mother: "To make a man out of you."
Child: "But my teacher makes everyday a cock out of me."

 

A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: "Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
The priest inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"
Girl: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"

When the teacher entered the class all the boys were standing.
The teacher said: 'Now, all of you sit down except those who are absolutely dull and duffers?' All the boys sat down except Rajan.
Teacher: 'Why Rajan? Are you absolutely dull and a duffer?'
Rajan: 'No sir. The thing is that you were standing alone and it didn't look good to me.'

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher: What does your father do for a living?
Student: He is a magician.
Teacher: what is his favorite event.
Student: He cuts people in two.
Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Student: One half-brother and one half-sister....

A student burst into his professor’s office and says; "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me."
To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."

Teacher: Class, who can go to the board and show us the map of the North America?
George: Yes, ma'am.
Teacher: Okay George.
George: Here is the map of North America.
Teacher: Class, who discovered North America?
Class: George!

Teacher: Farai, what are the two days of the week, which start with letter "T"?
Farai: Today and tomorrow Sir.

In the Chemistry class the teacher was describing how August Kekulé, the scientist accidentally discovered a formula to express Benzene.
Kekulé once dozed off in his lab while trying to arrange the six carbon atoms in a particular format alongside six-hydrogen. The scientific community in the entire world had no answer either. Suddenly he had a dream and in his dream he saw two snakes eating each other and suddenly he woke up and tried to write out the formula that way and that was how we got the Benzene ring as we know it today, she said.
The teacher however felt bad finding a girl in the front bench dozing off all this while and pulled her up.
A boy from the rear said: Madam, please spare her; who knows she might come up with another formula for Benzene!

A high school student is in the counselor’s office. “So tell me, what things interest you?
“I’d like to cut people open and run my fingers through their liver and heart!”
The counselor chuckle and after a long pause says, “Well, I guess that means you’ll either be a surgeon or psychotic killer. Tell me more about yourself.” The student paused for a minute and said; “Well, to start with, I’m never wrong.” “Other people adore me and do exactly as I say…or if they don’t, they should.” The counselor smiles and says; “Surgeon it is!”

Dad: Hey son what is 2 x 2?
Son: A tie
Dad: Ok, what is 2 x 1?
Son: An offer

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

Teacher to a student: "Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?"
"Yes, sir! I'd put allthe men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"